angel babies

I sit tonight shedding tears as I hold one of the most beautiful blessings ever bestowed. 7 months ago I gave birth to a perfect, precious, healthy baby boy, but sadly that is not always the case. All pregnancies do not end so perfectly and the sadness in that simple statement can be unbearable. Through babywearing I have met so many beautiful mamas and tonight I had the privilege of being let into the story of one beautiful mama's loss of an angelic baby girl at 37wks gestation. Through my babywearing connections I have learned that babyloss (miscarriage, stillbirth, blighted ovum etc) is all to common. Unlike other problems, there is nothing to protest. There is no complaint to file or facebook group to join to stop such a horrible thing. It is simply a sad part of life....yet we never really talk about it. Sure among my birthy friends we discuss it, but out in the real world our lips are sealed. Women rarely mention their loss unless asked by medical professionals. But hearts remain broken nonetheless.

One might read this blog and think that I am so blessed with children I know nothing about loss. I have been so fortunate to have 5 healthy blessings bounding about daily, but I have tasted loss. I can attest that even a loss amongst many blessings hurts badly. Once you are told that a special God given individual will soon rest in your arms and change your world, it is never something you can easily let go of. As losses go, mine was easy. I lost a child I hadn't planned or expected, and I had a house full of hugs awaiting me when I returned home from the hospital. So many mothers return home empty handed, so many have no small hands to comfort them at home. Many mothers have painstakingly prayed for a child only to have an answered prayer ripped from there arms in times that should have been celebratory. All mothers who have lost a child carry this loss on their hearts forever. Forever they ask silent questions, what would you have looked like, who would you have been, what day would you have been born, and the questions go on and on. Every now and then i think, "we could have six" or "we wouldn't have had pike" I even know what names would have been used.

It has been a long time since our loss, but all to recently the pain of loss has touched many of my friends. I no longer shed tears for my loss. Partly because I feel so blessed and I know the Lord has a mighty plan, but also because those tears have been given to other mothers. I cry for so many of them who long to feel a soft snuggle or the tiny sigh of a newborns breath. I pray that their pain is lessened by the days gone by but their hope and memories remain.

If you have experienced a loss I urge you to share your story. Support another mother through her pain. Let her know it is ok to share her names , her thoughts, her acknowledgement of a birthday, her story. If you have never experienced such sadness you are so blessed. Please, if you are ever so cherished by a mother that she chooses to share her story of loss with you do not sit in silence for fear of not knowing what to say. There is far too much silence in this mother's life and a simple "I care" is all thats required. A child's life is far to precious to go without acknowledgement no matter how short. I rest comfortably knowing my sweet "P" was cherished by the Lord and rests in far sweeter arms than mine, but i will always wonder.....

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, Before you were born I set you apart...Do not be afraid for I am with you.. Declares the Lord ...Jeremiah 1:5,8