the one that isnt good enough

I know what it feels like to be the one who isnt good enough. Its a hard place to be but I assume most of us have been there. As a teen I would describe myself as a pretty bad kid. I remember sitting in class one day looking at a girl I thought was so nice and wishing to be her friend. I knew that day she wouldnt want to be my friend. She was a "good girl". She never drank or partied, she was allways in church. I was carrying a secret, I was a partyer , I had the attitude, I was everything she was not. She was too good for me, and yet she opened her heart, she took me out to dinner with friends on friday nights while i was pregnant. She visited and called. She came to the hospital when I had my baby. Though I dont see her often enough , she is still one of my best friends and she gave me something nobody will ever take. She gave me a maybe! Later in life i would meet people and think he/she is too "good" for me, but then I thought "maybe he/she will like me anyway". I would grow up and meet other women whom i wanted to befriend and think "she is an athlete, she is older, she is the pastors wife, her house is cleaner , she has no kids, she has so many kids, she is my mother/sister in law" she will not like me. Each time I thought of study hall with Jennifer, and each time I was wrong. All of these women have become my friends and family. So to jennifer I owe a little thank you for giving me the confidence to seek out that "maybe".

I realized one day that God gave me Jennifer for a reason. She is an example, though she had no clue. You see, I became a Christian at a young age but never really went past believing. As an adult I truly began my walk with Christ but every now and then I come across a speed bump in my walk. Its that voice again. The one that tells me "you are not good enough". Its everywhere, it was there when I began to homeschool. It told me I wasnt smart enough and certainly not Christian enough to be good at that. It was there when I first took a bible study. It told me I would get there and all those ladies will figure out you are a sinner and send you on your way. It was there when I was asked to serve on the board of PWOC and when I volunteered to teach sunday school and run preschool Team Kid. That voice is allways hanging around, but God has given me the power to ignore that voice. God told me one day to enter proudly into his home each Sunday morning. He said "You are my daughter and you are good enough to be there" and I listened. Like the daughter I am, he has to repeat it alot but thats what my Bible is for! It took years to realize that I am just as good as every other sinner in that pew. I am justified to be there and share the love I have for him with others anywhere. It took years to realize that just like Jennifer, Jesus doesnt care what I have done or who I have wronged. I am forgiven and belong to his kingdom, in fact, i just might be a princess there :) and nothing feels better than that!

romans 5:18 Consequently, just as the result of one trespass was condemnation for all men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men